Divorce is a profound change for every member of the family, and children, in particular, can find this transition challenging to understand and navigate. At Common Ground Child Care, we recognize the importance of providing age-appropriate support to children going through their parents' divorce. Age-appropriate honesty, reassurance, and stability are key in helping children adjust healthily. Here's a guide on how to support your child through a divorce, tailored to different age groups, along with recommended reading to help facilitate conversations and provide comfort.

Infants and Toddlers

While infants and toddlers may not understand the concept of divorce, they can sense changes in their environment and caregiver emotions. Consistency in routine and caregiving can provide the stability they need.

• Maintain Routine: Keep feeding, bathing, and bedtime routines consistent to provide a sense of security.

• Reassure with Physical Affection: Extra cuddles, hugs, and comforting touches can help convey safety and love.

• Monitor Your Emotional Well-being: Your infant or toddler can pick up on your emotions, so taking care of yourself is also taking care of them.

Recommended Books for Infants and Toddlers:

1. "Owl Babies" by Martin Waddell: This book about three owl babies waiting for their mother to return can help discuss separation and reassurance.

2. "The Family Book" by Todd Parr: Celebrates all different types of families in a way that is accessible and reassuring for very young children.

3. "Two Homes" by Claire Masurel: A comforting book that addresses living in two homes and reassures children that they are loved by both parents.

Preschoolers

Preschoolers might start to understand the concept of divorce but could have misconceptions. They might think they are to blame or could hope for reconciliation. Clear explanations and reassurance are crucial.

• Use Simple, Clear Words: Explain the divorce in very basic terms, emphasizing that it’s not their fault.

• Reinforce Love: Ensure they know they’re loved by both parents, no matter the changes.

• Encourage Expression: Provide ways for them to express their feelings, whether through talking, drawing, or play.

Recommended Books for Preschoolers:

1. "Two Homes" by Claire Masurel: Reiterates the love a child receives in both homes.

2. "Standing on My Own Two Feet" by Tamara Schmitz: A story that reassures children that a parent’s divorce is not their fault.

3. "My Family’s Changing" by Pat Thomas: This picture book helps children understand and cope with divorce.

School-Aged Children

Children in school may have a more complex understanding of divorce and can experience a wide range of emotions. They might express anger, frustration, or worry about the future.

• Be Open to Questions: They may have specific questions about the changes happening. Answer honestly, but keep explanations age-appropriate.

• Maintain Routines: Keeping school and extracurricular schedules consistent can help provide stability.

• Encourage Open Communication: Let them know it’s okay to talk about their feelings, and be there to listen and support them.

Recommended Books for School-Aged Children:

1. "It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear" by Vicki Lansky: Follows Koko Bear through the process of his parents' divorce, emphasizing that the divorce is not the child's fault.

2. "Dinosaurs Divorce" by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown: A guide to understanding divorce, which covers a range of topics in a child-friendly manner.

3. "The Divorce Express" by Paula Danziger: A relatable story for older children that deals with the complexities of adjusting to parents’ divorce.

Divorce is never easy, but with patience, love, and open communication, you can help your child navigate this change. Remember, every child is unique, and their response to divorce will be individual to them. Providing a stable, loving environment where they feel safe to express their feelings is the best support you can offer.

At Common Ground, we understand the challenges families face during times of transition. If you need further support or resources, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us.