Conscious Discipline Spotlight: Clearing up Misconceptions
Social-Emotional Learning has been on the rise in schools since the nineties, and we at Common Ground are eager to continue that trend.
As many of you know, we have been learning and promoting the study and lifestyle of Conscious Discipline as a center. We have been taking and retaking the courses (Ms. Victoria is on her second time through! I personally listen to the audio and then watch the videos to help get a firmer grasp on the subject matter) in order to appropriately apply the lessons to all of our classrooms. We hope to encourage our parents to take the course with us in time (stay tuned!) so that we can teach our kiddos how to speak confidently and kindly with their hearts.
Teaching with Love is much more powerful and long lasting than Teaching with Fear.
But sadly, this is a rather new concept in education and parenting, and it’s receiving backlash from those who refuse to grow themselves.
This article came out today. It brought to our attention some arguments against Social Emotional Learning programs in schools. The immediate and long-lasting benefits of teaching your child the inner disciplines of emotional self-awareness and problem solving through empathy are essential to our growth as a species, so I would personally like to clear up some of the misconceptions presented.
All learning begins at birth. Children begin learning the second they open their eyes. Everything is new and without context, so they turn to their caregivers for guidance. Children begin mimicking and responding to parents and teachers as early as three months. No Small Matter is an eye-opening documentary all about the essential roll early childhood educators play in the lives of children, starting with newborns. How you interact with babies, when you interact with babies, what responses you give to different emotions and behaviors, children absorb these calls and responses, these cause and effect relationships, like little sponges. Learning to calm yourself, learning to deal with frustration, learning how to communicate those feelings and frustrations in an appropriate way with peers and adults, all of this begins to happen before the age of 2. They have friends they “parallel play” with starting at 18 months. They are playing WITH each other by the age of 3. Imagine how overwhelming a disagreement with a friend is when you have all the social tools you have now can be.
There are parents who are questioning the validity of these emotional regulation practices and their usefulness in elementary school. They even suggested the notion that Guidance Counselors in grade school are an invasive waste of money. If children primarily learn through social interaction with adults and peers, how could giving them the tools to navigate those interactions with clear communication and confidence be anything but essential?
Awareness is not Encouragement. One of the arguments against SEL is the notion that it makes kids face social issues they “don’t need to know about yet.” They are even using the scare tactic that SEL “advertises suicide.” Making a child aware of their feelings can only be helpful. It gives their anxieties and frustrations names. It encourages them to untangle their thoughts and focus on keeping calm.
Becoming aware of problems in the world and personal stressors does not make them manifest, it simply sheds a light of what’s already there. Children primarily learn how to interact with their world by watching adults interact with each other, not how adults interact with them personally. They know so much more than we give them credit for. Conversely, trying to hide or dismiss their feelings does not make them any less real, and only encourages them to hide/bury any issues they have. These don’t go away, they just get expressed as anger and distrust down the line. Mental and Emotional Health issues are not on the rise, we are simply becoming more aware of them. We are seeing the multi-generational effects they have on entire families and communities. Social Emotional Learning SAVES lives because we are learning about these toxic behaviors that have defined our teaching for so long. Instead of trying to hide them again, we should be working to eradicate them once and for all.
Emotional stress affects academic achievement. A child that cannot calm down is a distracted learner. A child that fights with their peers is a disruptive learner. A child that is afraid to fail is a stressed learner. A child who thinks their only value comes from achievement and academic prowess will do anything they can to achieve perfection. If they do not have a safe space to express their negative feelings and sort through their fears, they will find other outlets in the form of one addiction or another. Conscious Discipline has been recognized by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration’s (SAMHSA’s) National Registry of Evidence-based Programs and Practices (NREPP), which promotes the adoption of scientifically established behavioral health interventions. Social Emotional Learning is key in helping avoid substance abuse in children. The notion that “children should only focus on their academic progress” is privileged, because some children do not have a choice. Acknowledging that their are factors in a child’s life that matter besides academics is just acknowledging reality.
Your child is not raised in a vacuum. I am a parent. I am a teacher. I am slowly becoming trained in Conscious Discipline. I am still not everything my children need, and I do not pretend to be. My children have been nurtured by trained childhood education professionals. They have been taught by teachers with a strong background in education. I love them with all my heart, but I am not a trained counselor. I am not a history teacher, a math teacher, a science teacher. I am a single, biased human being. I am so incredibly fortunate that my children have a fleet of adults who can teach them so many things I can’t. A lot of these parents are arguing that the emotional and mental health “stuff” should all be dealt with at home. Just holding that belief implies that those lessons and obstacles are private matters to be hidden or ashamed of. Learning how to treat your friends and how to talk to your loved ones in times of friction or stress is JUST as essential as learning your numbers, and so much harder to learn later in life. Teachers that have gone through social emotional training are trained in programs written by health and education professionals. They have gone through rigorous testing and years of classroom observations. They have proven results. Read more about Conscious Disciplines 25 years of award winning classroom management here. You could be the best parent in the entire world, but you shouldn’t have to be EVERYTHING your child needs. Trust professionals.
Lastly, there has been an argument against SEL because of the idea that teaching emotional regulation and empathy for others has somehow become 'a vehicle for this quote-unquote 'social justice activism' and the indoctrination of controversial ideas related to race, sexuality and even gender and identity.'
First of all, asking a child if they feel like they belong and teaching them how to react with understanding over anger in an argument is (hopefully) unrelated to any political agenda. We are hoping to help our children learn to communicate better. We are hoping to help offer a strong, assertive foundation based in self-actualization and the knowledge that you can only control yourself, not others. These are teachings based in ancient stoic philosophy. They are not new, and they have withstood the test of time.
Second of all, we at Common Ground firmly stand for our neighbors of every race, ethnicity, socio-economic status, sexuality, gender identity, etc. If understanding our own feelings and empathizing with the feelings of others is “controversial,” so be it.
Help us create a kinder world. Help us create a world more rooted in reason and focused problem solving.
We can love our parents, our teachers, our friends with all our hearts and still acknowledge that our old methods of teaching and parenting were flawed. We can love ourselves and understand that our CURRENT methods of teaching and parenting are flawed. Let’s continue growing together.
Love Love Love,
LJ and your Common Ground Family