Common Ground 11/15/21 Common Ground 11/15/21

Conscious Discipline Spotlight: Clearing up Misconceptions

Social-Emotional Learning has been on the rise in schools since the nineties, and we at Common Ground are eager to continue that trend.

As many of you know, we have been learning and promoting the study and lifestyle of Conscious Discipline as a center. We have been taking and retaking the courses (Ms. Victoria is on her second time through! I personally listen to the audio and then watch the videos to help get a firmer grasp on the subject matter) in order to appropriately apply the lessons to all of our classrooms. We hope to encourage our parents to take the course with us in time (stay tuned!) so that we can teach our kiddos how to speak confidently and kindly with their hearts.

Teaching with Love is much more powerful and long lasting than Teaching with Fear.

But sadly, this is a rather new concept in education and parenting, and it’s receiving backlash from those who refuse to grow themselves.

This article came out today. It brought to our attention some arguments against Social Emotional Learning programs in schools. The immediate and long-lasting benefits of teaching your child the inner disciplines of emotional self-awareness and problem solving through empathy are essential to our growth as a species, so I would personally like to clear up some of the misconceptions presented.

All learning begins at birth. Children begin learning the second they open their eyes. Everything is new and without context, so they turn to their caregivers for guidance. Children begin mimicking and responding to parents and teachers as early as three months. No Small Matter is an eye-opening documentary all about the essential roll early childhood educators play in the lives of children, starting with newborns. How you interact with babies, when you interact with babies, what responses you give to different emotions and behaviors, children absorb these calls and responses, these cause and effect relationships, like little sponges. Learning to calm yourself, learning to deal with frustration, learning how to communicate those feelings and frustrations in an appropriate way with peers and adults, all of this begins to happen before the age of 2. They have friends they “parallel play” with starting at 18 months. They are playing WITH each other by the age of 3. Imagine how overwhelming a disagreement with a friend is when you have all the social tools you have now can be.

There are parents who are questioning the validity of these emotional regulation practices and their usefulness in elementary school. They even suggested the notion that Guidance Counselors in grade school are an invasive waste of money. If children primarily learn through social interaction with adults and peers, how could giving them the tools to navigate those interactions with clear communication and confidence be anything but essential?

Awareness is not Encouragement. One of the arguments against SEL is the notion that it makes kids face social issues they “don’t need to know about yet.” They are even using the scare tactic that SEL “advertises suicide.” Making a child aware of their feelings can only be helpful. It gives their anxieties and frustrations names. It encourages them to untangle their thoughts and focus on keeping calm.
Becoming aware of problems in the world and personal stressors does not make them manifest, it simply sheds a light of what’s already there. Children primarily learn how to interact with their world by watching adults interact with each other, not how adults interact with them personally. They know so much more than we give them credit for. Conversely, trying to hide or dismiss their feelings does not make them any less real, and only encourages them to hide/bury any issues they have. These don’t go away, they just get expressed as anger and distrust down the line. Mental and Emotional Health issues are not on the rise, we are simply becoming more aware of them. We are seeing the multi-generational effects they have on entire families and communities. Social Emotional Learning SAVES lives because we are learning about these toxic behaviors that have defined our teaching for so long. Instead of trying to hide them again, we should be working to eradicate them once and for all.

Emotional stress affects academic achievement. A child that cannot calm down is a distracted learner. A child that fights with their peers is a disruptive learner. A child that is afraid to fail is a stressed learner. A child who thinks their only value comes from achievement and academic prowess will do anything they can to achieve perfection. If they do not have a safe space to express their negative feelings and sort through their fears, they will find other outlets in the form of one addiction or another. Conscious Discipline has been recognized by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration’s (SAMHSA’s) National Registry of Evidence-based Programs and Practices (NREPP), which promotes the adoption of scientifically established behavioral health interventions. Social Emotional Learning is key in helping avoid substance abuse in children. The notion that “children should only focus on their academic progress” is privileged, because some children do not have a choice. Acknowledging that their are factors in a child’s life that matter besides academics is just acknowledging reality.

Your child is not raised in a vacuum. I am a parent. I am a teacher. I am slowly becoming trained in Conscious Discipline. I am still not everything my children need, and I do not pretend to be. My children have been nurtured by trained childhood education professionals. They have been taught by teachers with a strong background in education. I love them with all my heart, but I am not a trained counselor. I am not a history teacher, a math teacher, a science teacher. I am a single, biased human being. I am so incredibly fortunate that my children have a fleet of adults who can teach them so many things I can’t. A lot of these parents are arguing that the emotional and mental health “stuff” should all be dealt with at home. Just holding that belief implies that those lessons and obstacles are private matters to be hidden or ashamed of. Learning how to treat your friends and how to talk to your loved ones in times of friction or stress is JUST as essential as learning your numbers, and so much harder to learn later in life. Teachers that have gone through social emotional training are trained in programs written by health and education professionals. They have gone through rigorous testing and years of classroom observations. They have proven results. Read more about Conscious Disciplines 25 years of award winning classroom management here. You could be the best parent in the entire world, but you shouldn’t have to be EVERYTHING your child needs. Trust professionals.

Lastly, there has been an argument against SEL because of the idea that teaching emotional regulation and empathy for others has somehow become 'a vehicle for this quote-unquote 'social justice activism' and the indoctrination of controversial ideas related to race, sexuality and even gender and identity.'

First of all, asking a child if they feel like they belong and teaching them how to react with understanding over anger in an argument is (hopefully) unrelated to any political agenda. We are hoping to help our children learn to communicate better. We are hoping to help offer a strong, assertive foundation based in self-actualization and the knowledge that you can only control yourself, not others. These are teachings based in ancient stoic philosophy. They are not new, and they have withstood the test of time.

Second of all, we at Common Ground firmly stand for our neighbors of every race, ethnicity, socio-economic status, sexuality, gender identity, etc. If understanding our own feelings and empathizing with the feelings of others is “controversial,” so be it.

Help us create a kinder world. Help us create a world more rooted in reason and focused problem solving.

We can love our parents, our teachers, our friends with all our hearts and still acknowledge that our old methods of teaching and parenting were flawed. We can love ourselves and understand that our CURRENT methods of teaching and parenting are flawed. Let’s continue growing together.

Love Love Love,

LJ and your Common Ground Family

Common Ground 11/11/21 Common Ground 11/11/21

Learning Begins at Birth: Infant Curriculum

We have written quite a lot about how are preschool teachers are not just “babysitters.” They are early childhood professionals who give your kid a whole-body, play-based learning experience. We have seen time and time again that our approach encourages our students to be confident, independent learners who have a leg up when they begin kindergarten!

Now it is time to give our infant and toddler teachers credit where credit is due. They are phenomenal, educated, practiced professionals at their trade, and they are giving your babies an enriching childhood experience.

No Small Matter is an eye-opening documentary all about how early REAL LEARNING truly begins. We talk about this a little in our Conscious Discipline Spotlight, but essentially children start looking to you for guidance at birth.

Our teachers are constantly talking to our tiniest students. They are singing. They are describing everything they’re doing. They are making that uninterrupted eye contact and responding to any attempt at communication. All of these things are helping build essential those neural pathways for learning.

Here are some examples of how our infant teachers do lessons through play.

Songs with colorful pictures help associate words with tangible objects.

Coloring and themed sensory play help with fine motor work!

Coloring with chalk is perfect for cause and effect with fine motor work.

Animals and weather velcro gloves help with cause and effect and word association!

Playing outside in every weather helps with sensory, self-regulation, attention, and physical fitness.

Our little explorers learn so much, and it is a joy to watch. Don’t you wish you were here?

Love, Love, Love,

Your Common Ground Family

Common Ground 11/9/21 Common Ground 11/9/21

Kids and Covid: Juliet gets her Covid Shot!

Every time a new vaccine comes out against Covid-19 it feels like the world is a little safer. When we found out our kindergarteners and school agers were eligible for this essential layer of safety against the pandemic, we were ECSTATIC.

We sent out this link so that we could help get as many of our students appointments as soon as possible.

Which is why on November 4th at 10:45AM, a day after the shot was approved, I got my daughter Juliet her first covid shot.

Was I worried? No. There had been more than enough research done on the vaccine so I knew it was safe for her. I am much more worried about the new variants of covid that are spreading.

Was she worried? A little! Juliet and her friends get each other really anxious about the shot itself. She really didn’t want to get stuck! But she was also SUPER excited and made sure to tell everyone she could that she was going to get it.

“Am I the first kid in America to get the shot?” She asked me as we walked toward the Covid-Shot clinic set up inside the mall. It was early morning and there were hardly any people around.

“No sweetie, but you’re probably one of the first thousand in Fairfax County!” I thought about it, smiled, and said “And you’re the first kid to get it at Common Ground, so make sure to let everyone know it’s not so scary, okay?”

Juliet gave me a thumbs up, because she’s cool like that, and we went into what used to be an old department store transformed into a vaccination center. All around the old “Diamonds for Her” and “Men’s Fragrances” counters there were colorful signs that said things like “Kids are Tough,” “Kids are Brave,” and “Kids are Super Heroes.” On the floor there were big stickers with pictures of a nasty looking coronavirus cell with the inviting slogan “Stamp the Virus OUT!”

We did. We stomped on every single one of them on our way. And let me tell you something… it felt really good.

There were kids everywhere. Older kids, younger kids, kids who looked nervous, kids who looked bored. Juliet was excited and scared and ready all at the same time.
All of them are my heroes. Their parents too. They are a part of getting a handle on this virus that has changed our lives forever.

When Juliet sat down she told her nurse she wanted to be a doctor when she grew up. She told her all about the cardboard doctor’s kit she had made all by herself, and how she was always taking our temperatures and taking care of us. The nurse smiled and told her all about what the shot was going to do, and why it was so important, that it would protect her from the virus, but also take care of us. “It’s what a doctor would do!” She said, high-fiving Juliet.

I still had to hold her down. That girl does NOT like shots. But she perked up pretty quickly when she realized everyone was cheering and clapping. Those medical professionals were ROCKSTARS.

Her symptoms lasted about 24 hours. They were arm pain, a little scratchy throat, and she had a low-grade fever in the night of about 99. We were told that since she’s had covid before her symptoms might be a little more severe, so we let her stay home from school on Friday… even though she didn’t NEED it, getting some extra cuddles from Daddy is never a bad thing.

Since then, so many of our kindergarteners and school-agers have come showing off their bandaid! When one of them leaves to go to their appointment, everyone else cheers and claps and tells them how brave they are. Kids are so ready to be wonderful to each other, it is such a moving display in a time we need Hope more than ever.

If you have any questions or need help getting your child’s covid vaccine scheduled, please contact us!

Common Ground 10/26/21 Common Ground 10/26/21

Spotlight On: Conscious Discipline - A Transformative Experience

We, as an entire center, have been taking Dr. Becky’s Conscious Discipline courses.

This is so much more than a “how-to” class. Conscious Discipline takes a transformative view on our interactions with EVERYONE, not just our students, which makes it an incredibly unique and humbling experience.

What is Conscious Discipline?

Instagram I Blog I Free Webinars I Podcast I Discipline Tips I Extra Info Links I Methodology

Conscious Discipline is designed to completely transform the way we look at “discipline.” For generations we have looked at punishment and discipline as synonyms. We have created a divide of judgment between good and bad, pass and fail, win and lose, that encourages learning and behavior through fear.

All. Behavior. Is. Communication. If we only address the behavior, we are not addressing the needs causing the behavior that aren’t being met. The goal is not “to drive you crazy,” which they can’t do anyway, if you have control! They just do not know how to ask for what they need yet.

Conscious Discipline is a series of classes designed to give you empowering tools that help you communicate, guide, and encourage with LOVE, a force much more powerful and long lasting than fear. Check out the methodology link above for the four key tenants!

In order to help children build a foundation of discipline and emotional regulation within, we need to teach ourselves to be aware of what we are saying with our words. We need to catch ourselves in moments of heightened emotion, and break defensive habits that have been passed down from parent to child.

WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO JOIN US! How?

Here is a tried-and-true tool that we learned at the very beginning of our training. It’s called STAR BREATHING, you star!

Three deep breaths shut off the “fight or flight” system of the brain.

This active calming technique is an essential component of emotional health. Teach children to S.T.A.R.: Smile, Take a deep breath And Relax.

S.T.A.R. is one of four core breathing techniques in Conscious Discipline. The other techniques are Drain, Balloon and Pretzel. <—Click here to download a poster showing these different techniques to remind you and your kiddos how to calm yourself before you respond.

Giving yourself a chance to calm down gets you out of the “survival state.” Once you’re calm, if you’re still frustrated, repeat to yourself ”I am safe, Keep Breathing, I can handle this.” to keep the bad feelings at bay. Problem solving can commence once you are calm and ready!

We have made our Conscious Discipline Action Team and will be rolling out changes! Stay tuned, we will be sharing more things that we are implementing in our center to help transform early childhood education as we know it.

Love Love Love,

Your CG Family

Common Ground 10/19/21 Common Ground 10/19/21

Team Spotlight: Kindergarten + School Age

Our Kindergarteners, better known as “The Jellyfish” are doing swimmingly with Miss Janette!

The small class experience has really allowed Miss Janette to take our kids on a hands-on, personalized adventure for their first year of elementary school. They do yoga, they utilize play in all their lessons, they get up-close and personal with science projects and class activities. It has been such a delight seeing them grow so much in so little time!

Our School-Age Kids don’t “check out” when they check in, thanks to Ms. Victoria!

Once the Before/After care kids get to their outdoor classroom, the fun really starts! Ms. Victoria has taught them kickball, read Encyclopedia Brown, even made elephant toothpaste! They are even making a HAUNTED HOUSE for our Trunk or Treat Spooktacular!

They may only be here for a few hours, but our School Age crew really makes that time count for something.

We have found that, for both groups, the more focused physical activity the better. These two teachers really get to know the students in their care, take account of what they need, and make sure they provide for them in a patient, structured way. In doing so, these kids feel confident in trying new things and exploring their curiosity.