Conscious Discipline: The Art and Necessity of Wishing Well
What is “Wishing well” and how is it helpful day to day?
Wishing well is a way to instantly calm ourselves, and offer love and caring to others.
It is in our very building blocks to be helpful. When others are upset we want to make it better, but do not often have the tools to do so!
“Wishing Well” is a way for children to help others when there is no tangible way to offer their help.
To wish well:
1) Put your hands over your heart.
2) Take a deep breath in.
3) Pause and picture something precious in your mind
4) breathe out while opening your arms and sending those precious, loving thoughts out to the person you are wishing well.
The Wish Well Board is used for the class-wide Wish Well Ritual that you can also utilize at home. When a child is absent, moving to another school, has arrived late or is in need of support for other reasons, place the child’s picture or name in the heart inside your Wish Well Board. At home, you can “wish well” those whom you miss, who are sick, who are experiencing big events (tests, new jobs, tryouts, a new home, a new school, or a new baby arriving), and anyone who seems to be struggling.
During your Wish Well Ritual a song can be key to making connections with the other people in your group and cementing the good feelings into the wish! Conscious Discipline has songs like “We Wish You Well” on Songs for I Love You Rituals Volume 2 or “I Wish You Well” on It Starts in the Heart (in English and Spanish).
You may purchase a Wish Well Board, or create your own using a magnetic cookie sheet and magnets or foam board and velcro.
How to Use Wish Well in the Elementary Age Bedroom
Life can be complicated, families and friends can be separated by vast distances, and personal struggles abound. Yet, there is always something we can do to demonstrate our loving concern and connect with those we care for: We can wish them well. The Wish Well Board provides a visual way to aid children in wishing others well and helps adults remember to take a quiet moment, too.
Families can use the Wish Well Board from Conscious Discipline or a homemade one. Wishing well generates an internal cascade of feel-good neurochemicals and hormones that boost positive feelings.
Your Wish Well Ritual is easily incorporated into your morning routine as part of a Brain Smart way to start the day, but some children will also benefit from a personal Wish Well Board or routine in their rooms. This enables them to “visit” with the photos of loved ones and offer loving wish wells privately as well as in a group setting with the whole family.
From the bottoms of our hearts, we wish you well! Have a wonderful day!
Your CG Family
Let's Breathe Together: Breathe on a Tropical Island
We loved the breaths designed by Mindful Schools so much that we have made cards for a lot of them! Our Star Breather helper in our classroom can pick a couple of them or a whole theme!
Today we did Breathe on a Tropical Island! It was so fun, we thought we would share it with you.
We started with setting the scene. Warm sand. Bright sun. The sound of the ocean. We cupped our ears and took slow, deep breaths in and out, listening to the waves.
Next we explored our surroundings! We picked up a lovely Starfish, traced its arms and did Starfish Breath together!
To show that we are not alone, we reminded ourselves that we are a team! We did Beachball Breaths together.
To finish, we did Shark Breathing to speak aloud our Affirmations.
I Am Safe.
I Am Strong.
I Can Handle This.
Let’s Breathe Together.
If you like our beach adventure and want to do more, try out Dolphin Breath and Blowfish Breath!
Conscious Discipline: The School Family
School Climate Impacts All Achievement
Ask yourself, “Would I rather have children say, ‘What do I get if I’m good?’ or ‘How do I give of my goodness?’” How you answer this question will determine the school climate and culture you want to create. School climate impacts all achievement. The culture of a school can foster bullying, blame and cliques, or it can build cooperation, willingness and responsibility.
The School Family builds connections between families and schools, teachers and teachers, teachers and students, and students and students to ensure the optimal development of all.
Historically, we have unconsciously used the metaphor of a factory when creating our classrooms and schools. The goal of a factory is to create standardized products through a rewards and punishment paradigm. Research and experience prove that we need a new metaphor if we wish to build successful and safe educational institutions. The School Family, built on a healthy family model, is this new metaphor. The goal of a healthy family is the optimal development of all members.
The School Family is created through routines, rituals and structures.
The School Family creates a fundamental shift in education and classroom management. Leave coercion, fear and external rewards behind, and step into a world where intrinsic motivation, helpfulness, problem-solving and connection govern your classroom.
How are we helping cultivate The School Family at Common Ground?
Changing the entire philosophy and direction of our educational system seems daunting… but how do you do anything? One step at a time.
One of the little steps is: Creating a visual schedule in our classrooms.
The classroom is for the child. It is supposed to be a supportive, loving environment structured toward holistic learning. A child thinks symbolically and needs assistance with visualizing the future. If a child is anxious or unsure about what comes next, this impacts their attention and their behavior. This simple addition to the classroom offers a clear view of transitions It can also help with home sickness.
All of our schedules will be a more specific version of this example from Conscious Discipline’s helpful materials.
What schedule pictures would be on your schedule at home? How does/would a consistent schedule help you and your children during transitions?
Subscribe to our blog to learn more about what we are doing to cultivate our school family!
Conscious Discipline Spotlight: Clearing up Misconceptions
Social-Emotional Learning has been on the rise in schools since the nineties, and we at Common Ground are eager to continue that trend.
As many of you know, we have been learning and promoting the study and lifestyle of Conscious Discipline as a center. We have been taking and retaking the courses (Ms. Victoria is on her second time through! I personally listen to the audio and then watch the videos to help get a firmer grasp on the subject matter) in order to appropriately apply the lessons to all of our classrooms. We hope to encourage our parents to take the course with us in time (stay tuned!) so that we can teach our kiddos how to speak confidently and kindly with their hearts.
Teaching with Love is much more powerful and long lasting than Teaching with Fear.
But sadly, this is a rather new concept in education and parenting, and it’s receiving backlash from those who refuse to grow themselves.
This article came out today. It brought to our attention some arguments against Social Emotional Learning programs in schools. The immediate and long-lasting benefits of teaching your child the inner disciplines of emotional self-awareness and problem solving through empathy are essential to our growth as a species, so I would personally like to clear up some of the misconceptions presented.
All learning begins at birth. Children begin learning the second they open their eyes. Everything is new and without context, so they turn to their caregivers for guidance. Children begin mimicking and responding to parents and teachers as early as three months. No Small Matter is an eye-opening documentary all about the essential roll early childhood educators play in the lives of children, starting with newborns. How you interact with babies, when you interact with babies, what responses you give to different emotions and behaviors, children absorb these calls and responses, these cause and effect relationships, like little sponges. Learning to calm yourself, learning to deal with frustration, learning how to communicate those feelings and frustrations in an appropriate way with peers and adults, all of this begins to happen before the age of 2. They have friends they “parallel play” with starting at 18 months. They are playing WITH each other by the age of 3. Imagine how overwhelming a disagreement with a friend is when you have all the social tools you have now can be.
There are parents who are questioning the validity of these emotional regulation practices and their usefulness in elementary school. They even suggested the notion that Guidance Counselors in grade school are an invasive waste of money. If children primarily learn through social interaction with adults and peers, how could giving them the tools to navigate those interactions with clear communication and confidence be anything but essential?
Awareness is not Encouragement. One of the arguments against SEL is the notion that it makes kids face social issues they “don’t need to know about yet.” They are even using the scare tactic that SEL “advertises suicide.” Making a child aware of their feelings can only be helpful. It gives their anxieties and frustrations names. It encourages them to untangle their thoughts and focus on keeping calm.
Becoming aware of problems in the world and personal stressors does not make them manifest, it simply sheds a light of what’s already there. Children primarily learn how to interact with their world by watching adults interact with each other, not how adults interact with them personally. They know so much more than we give them credit for. Conversely, trying to hide or dismiss their feelings does not make them any less real, and only encourages them to hide/bury any issues they have. These don’t go away, they just get expressed as anger and distrust down the line. Mental and Emotional Health issues are not on the rise, we are simply becoming more aware of them. We are seeing the multi-generational effects they have on entire families and communities. Social Emotional Learning SAVES lives because we are learning about these toxic behaviors that have defined our teaching for so long. Instead of trying to hide them again, we should be working to eradicate them once and for all.
Emotional stress affects academic achievement. A child that cannot calm down is a distracted learner. A child that fights with their peers is a disruptive learner. A child that is afraid to fail is a stressed learner. A child who thinks their only value comes from achievement and academic prowess will do anything they can to achieve perfection. If they do not have a safe space to express their negative feelings and sort through their fears, they will find other outlets in the form of one addiction or another. Conscious Discipline has been recognized by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration’s (SAMHSA’s) National Registry of Evidence-based Programs and Practices (NREPP), which promotes the adoption of scientifically established behavioral health interventions. Social Emotional Learning is key in helping avoid substance abuse in children. The notion that “children should only focus on their academic progress” is privileged, because some children do not have a choice. Acknowledging that their are factors in a child’s life that matter besides academics is just acknowledging reality.
Your child is not raised in a vacuum. I am a parent. I am a teacher. I am slowly becoming trained in Conscious Discipline. I am still not everything my children need, and I do not pretend to be. My children have been nurtured by trained childhood education professionals. They have been taught by teachers with a strong background in education. I love them with all my heart, but I am not a trained counselor. I am not a history teacher, a math teacher, a science teacher. I am a single, biased human being. I am so incredibly fortunate that my children have a fleet of adults who can teach them so many things I can’t. A lot of these parents are arguing that the emotional and mental health “stuff” should all be dealt with at home. Just holding that belief implies that those lessons and obstacles are private matters to be hidden or ashamed of. Learning how to treat your friends and how to talk to your loved ones in times of friction or stress is JUST as essential as learning your numbers, and so much harder to learn later in life. Teachers that have gone through social emotional training are trained in programs written by health and education professionals. They have gone through rigorous testing and years of classroom observations. They have proven results. Read more about Conscious Disciplines 25 years of award winning classroom management here. You could be the best parent in the entire world, but you shouldn’t have to be EVERYTHING your child needs. Trust professionals.
Lastly, there has been an argument against SEL because of the idea that teaching emotional regulation and empathy for others has somehow become 'a vehicle for this quote-unquote 'social justice activism' and the indoctrination of controversial ideas related to race, sexuality and even gender and identity.'
First of all, asking a child if they feel like they belong and teaching them how to react with understanding over anger in an argument is (hopefully) unrelated to any political agenda. We are hoping to help our children learn to communicate better. We are hoping to help offer a strong, assertive foundation based in self-actualization and the knowledge that you can only control yourself, not others. These are teachings based in ancient stoic philosophy. They are not new, and they have withstood the test of time.
Second of all, we at Common Ground firmly stand for our neighbors of every race, ethnicity, socio-economic status, sexuality, gender identity, etc. If understanding our own feelings and empathizing with the feelings of others is “controversial,” so be it.
Help us create a kinder world. Help us create a world more rooted in reason and focused problem solving.
We can love our parents, our teachers, our friends with all our hearts and still acknowledge that our old methods of teaching and parenting were flawed. We can love ourselves and understand that our CURRENT methods of teaching and parenting are flawed. Let’s continue growing together.
Love Love Love,
LJ and your Common Ground Family